A Writing Contest

The year was two thousand and nine,
And everything was all going fine,
But something was odd,
Tee Kay Cee was bored,
So she decided to sign off and climb.


She climbed all the trees,
From Rata to Beech,
Always she got to the top,
And never would she stop,
Until she defeated the beast.

That tree was the biggest,
The baddest, the best,
And it had never been climbed before.

So she trained and she trained,
Through sleet and through rain,
Until she was ready to climb.

That tree was enormous
Over fifty feet more
Than any tree she'd climbed before.
She latched onto a branch,
And made her up by the inch.

It took her a year,
But she made it there,
All the way to the top.
She looked at her feet,
And almost lost her eats,
As she gazed at that deadly drop.

She made her way down,
And with a frown,
Said "I'm going back to the web.
The people are kind,
and my cookies divine,
And I'm less likely to drop to my death."

So now it is twenty eleven,
Two years spent away from her oven,
TKC is back,
And starting to bake,
For her wonderful charity kitchen!

Out of the Frying Pan, and Into the Fire

Hallo! It's been a couple of days since I have either read, or written, so here I am, back at last. 


Bilbo has squeezed his way out of the goblin passages, and has rejoined the group. (Much to the astonishment of  his dwarfish companions.) Anyway, night falls and the fifteen of them are sitting having nothing for dinner, when a few wolves turn up, or actually, wargs.  The wargs, (and the goblins riding them) chase the group up trees. 
A song ensues. Naturally. 

Fifteen birds in five fir trees

This is the only torture that these evil creatures can think of? Singing? Well, I'm not surprised... Tolkien may be brilliant at coming up with stories, but he should never have ventured into songwriting. Oh yeah, that's right. They set fire to the trees as well... that's better.

THE EAGLES ARE COMING! THE EAGLES ARE COMING!

You're all familiar with this line, I'm sure. But here they come, swooping among the trees, and plucking the "fifteen birds" from their perches. Woohoo! But sadly thankfully, they do not make a meal of the companions, as they are friends with Gandalf.. (surprise surprise)

Soon the eagles will deposit the group in Queer Lodgings.

Riddles In The Dark.

Woohoo! The most bestest chapter in Middle Earth! I have always adored this particular chapter and this is why...


- Bilbo wakes up, and can't see in the dark. (Yay for realism!)
-He discovers he has a magical glowing sword! (Now that's just awesome!)
-He finds the ONE RING.... and has no idea what it is.
-We meet Gollum! (Seriously, could this be any more awesome?)
- They teach us some riddles! ("What has it got in it's pocketses?")
- Bilbo uses awesome invisibleness to escape goblins!
-Gandalf doesn't save the day!


Well next off, we're out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Over Hill and Under Hill

So when we left our not so brave heroes last, they were leaving the last homely house for the misty mountain paths. Well not long into their journey, guess what happens? Go on! Guess! Oh, that's right, you aren't reading this... never mind. Well what happens is a storm hits. (No kidding, it's the Misty Mountains, right?) So they shelter in a cave, which turns out to be inhabited by goblins. Another song and the 14, (once again, Gandalf pisses off to wherever) are brought before the goblin king. Uh Oh. And then Gandalf shows up to save the day. Again. Seriously, can this wizard do no wrong?


The fifteen companions hobble off in the dark, with mystery ahead and angry goblins behind when the goblins catch them. Bilbo is knocked cold.


Next up: Riddles in the dark! (my favourite chapter ever!)

A Short Rest and A Decision.

The Hobbit sits beside me as I write, inviting me to pick it up once more, but one chapter down means one chapter up. Sadly, this particular chapter was shorter than the last, so here we go, quickly now.

A journey from the dead trolls takes us to the last homely house, the home of Elrond the elf. We are greeted when we arrive by song. A song so ridiculous I simply must post at least a verse of it.

O! What are you doing,
And where are you going?
Your ponies need shoeing!
The River is flowing!
O! Tra-la-la-lally
Down here in the valley!

Is it just me, or does "Tra-la-la-lally" sound more like a child with too much sugar than the wise and fair elves that we know from the Lord Of The Rings?

So we've found the moon-runes, or whatever they're called, and we're on our way to the mountains....

See you in a chapter's time! Oh, after lunch anyway. I need food!

Roast Mutton

I know what you're thinking. Oh no! She isn't going to talk to us chapter by chapter is she? Well, yes, I am. At least for now. Because for now, that's what we need to keep us up to date! How are our companions doing? You ask. Well... Let's see.

Off the fifteen compaions set, Bilbo later than the others due to a sleep in, all on ponies but for Gandalf, who as you know, rides a great white horse named Shadowfax. They travel along, going east, and further east until they have left the shire and entered what they call the lonely lands, or something of the sort. These lonely lands are very rainy, and they are being rained on worse than ever when they lose their food! It's very dramatic, and there is much agonising about how they will have little supper and less breakfast, when they see a light in the distance.

Now anyone who knows this story knows what happens next. Naturally the fourteen (for Gandalf has pissed off to God knows where) go and check out this light, which turns out to be a campfire. They send off their burgler (Poor witless Bilbo) to sneak in and see who the fire belonged to. Well Bilbo decides that now would be a good chance to practice his pickpocketing skills, and attempts to steal from the back pocket of a troll. Well as if that weren't stupid enough, he goes and tells the trolls, when they catch him, that he has lots of companions, and yet, none at all. This confuses the trolls, (not unexpectedly) and they proceed to argue about how to cook them. Well then one of the dwarves turn up and soon all of the dwarves have been captured and tied up in sacks, though not Bilbo, who had escaped and was hiding.

The trolls argue until daybreak, which turns them to stone. Well they didn't even argue, not with each other anyway, as it turns out to be Gandalf, hiding behind a tree and impersonating them. (What a clever little Wizard) We leave the companions now, heading for the last homely house. That's right. We're off to see the elves!

An Unexpected Party

This is where we begin, with a classic tale of dungeons and dragons and dwarves. Oh, and a hobbit! That's right, to begin our epic journey through literature, we begin at the beginning. The reason I chose this particular book to begin with, was the outrage, and constant talking about it that you are sure to encounter. (If you live in New Zealand that is.) They are making a film of this tale. How do you think that'll work out for them?

Anyway we begin in the first chapter, as is customary, and sadly still have not left the first chapter. I didn't get very much reading done last night. Not at all! So far we have been introduced to 13 dwarves, a wizard, and of course, a hobbit. The dwarves, (Balin, Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombour, Dori, Ori, Nori, and of course, Thorin.) have sung for us a merry song and a beginning song. The merry song, probably entitled That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates amused me almost as much as the fact that Balin had a blue beard. The beginning song was pretty decent, but not top of the charts material. As for the story itself... Well.

So far, Bilbo Baggins has decided that he is not going on an adventure, thank you very much, and that he is going to stay home from the dragon's mount and, oh I don't know, replenish his larder or something. Dwarves eat a lot, almost as much as hobbits. However we all know how that turns out for him. Perhaps I should fininsh my chapter?

Well let's get on with it then.